I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
