I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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