Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
