Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
