he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
