she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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