nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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