no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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