i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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