Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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