Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
