I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
