i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
