She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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