apparently the secret to your success is patron
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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