yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
