he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
