Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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