I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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