I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
