Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
