It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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