hotel room ftw
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
