Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
