Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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