Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
