you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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