How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
