Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
