I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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