The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
