Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
