Michael Bay diarrhea
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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