Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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