that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
