I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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