Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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