It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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