just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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