im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
