Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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