I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
soo... how was my night?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
