1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
