i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
