I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
