A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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