So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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