if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
