did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
