the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
