the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
